Time Out

(Words of wisdom they are, indeed)

Time out.

It is a term which is highly uncommon for sports lovers. In most sports matches, participants could ask for time out to gather their strength, regroup their team, rearrange strategies, throw out encouragements in hopes that after that, they would perform better in their game. You would get some time to get out of the pressure of that game for a moment, regroup your thoughts and refocus yourselves on your aim which is to win the match.

With that being said, shouldn’t there be some sort of time out in life as well?

These past couple of months or so, you’ve perhaps seen a lot of posts in which I try to explain what I’m going through in analogies and I know that’s really not interesting at all because I’ve never actually talked about what I’m going through. So here’s what’s going on: I’ve just had my heart broken by someone. I don’t want to talk about it or reveal any details about it and I sure hope those I’ve confided in won’t.

At the same time, I have a lot of decisions to make, opportunities to consider, academic scores to maintain, and I’m still working on my own self-esteem – that’s the hardest part. That’s why you don’t see me talking about it or tweeting about it. I’m having so much to work on right now that I refuse to acknowledge my own pain over that heartbreak and just take on as much work as I can to push it out of my mind.

Then again, pain is something that needs to be acknowledged. You cannot just get your heart broken by someone who’s been close to you for a long time without crying a single time. The longer you contain pain, you actually start crashing because of it. That’s what I’ve been experiencing. My scores have gone downhill, I’m missing deadlines, missing out on meetings, disappointing people sometimes, making the wrong decisions over and over again – that’s all because I just keep going without allowing myself a space to breathe, to inhale gratefulness and exhale the pain.

Posing a tough exterior is my default defense mechanism towards pain. Yet, I’ve never taken time to acknowledge it.

So what’s this got to do with what I’ve said about time out?

Thing is, in life, we always need a time out every once in a while. Life gets a little crazy sometimes and we might find our heads not focused on our goals anymore. And what I’ve learned is that sometimes, we need to pull ourselves out of that constant pressure to appear strong for a moment to acknowledge our feelings and express them because when we’ve taken our time for those feelings, we can actually associate them with a mere memory from our past instead of letting it become our present and even define who we are as a person. When we’ve actually put those feelings in the past and forgiven the person we were or the people who caused us those feelings, then we can actually focus ourselves on what we aim for again. You can get your heart broken, but you can piece them back together and much stronger if you actually take the time to mend it. Basically, that’s my point.

These past couple of days have been my time out. I’m actually listening to super sad songs (yes, that kind of desperate and depressing love songs) or even singing them out loud and expressing how I’ve been feeling. That makes me sound weak here, yes. But that’s OK. Because I’ve also been working myself on focusing on my dreams. This eventually has affected the decisions I’m going to make because I’ve been trying to make sure that my choice is what I truly want instead of what other people expect from me. I’m working on reminding myself constantly that I am loved, not necessarily by the people I’d hoped to give me love but I’m loved. And there’s plenty of things to be grateful for in life. And God is never too far away. And I deserve to be loved and I’m going to find someone new and better someday.

Then again, I’m still working on them. I’m not going to be some sort of bright, positive person just because of this one time out. Time outs are like meds – they need to be taken regularly or else they won’t function properly. But if there’s one thing I know is that I’m still looking up.

So if you feel like life has gotten the best of you, take some time out. Spend some quality “me time” with yourselves or make time if you don’t have it (I usually take an hour a day when I would not think about school at all just to get my head straight). Cut yourselves some slack and acknowledge feelings to perform better. Watch the world all around you and find new lessons to learn and things to be grateful for. Inhale gratefulness, exhale pain. Good luck! 🙂

 

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